We can do it in broken heels!
On 20th March I was privileged to co-host my first seminar , with the fabulous Susie Mitchell and Brigitte Sumner, under the banner of Phenomenal Women Events. The event was my concept and was created to enable women to unlock their feminine potential. Women are so capable and powerful, as Alexandra Burke's song says, "...Anything you can do we can do better, boy we can do it in broken heels." The question is, do we really need to ?
The liberation of women in the 60's was a double- edged sword. They had a degree of freedom that they had never before experienced but most of them had no idea that the infastructure of society would change so radically. Nobody was really ready for it. The Pill was introduced to the UK in 1961 (1960 in the USA) but abortion wasn't legalised until 1967 (1973 in the USA). You'd have thought the powers that be would have thought this through a bit better, wouldn't you?
The young women that became single mothers due to this, shall we say, "oversight" had to struggle to survive in societies that had made no provision for this new paradigm and, on the whole, still looked at them as "loose" and their situation as shameful. These women had to stand alone and be independent, not expecting anything from anybody. They looked upon their vulnerability as weakness and raised their daughters to be strong, needing no-one.
The daughters of these brave women have shown that they are, indeed, capable, smart, talented, successful in business and able to run a home at the same time. I know, I'm one of them. I also know how exhausting it is to be Wonder Woman all the time.
To make our mark in "a man's world" we have felt we needed to do everything a hundred times better than the men to be taken seriously, which has sadly been the case for the most part. Women have struggled and endured just to have an equal voice and I honour those that came before us, who fought for us to have equal rights. And I think it's time for us to stop fighting.
I don't mean that we negate everything than has been earned for us or allow ourselves to be trampled on. I believe it's time for us to act more effectively, as Phenomenal Women, aligned with our feminine core. We have been acting as hunter/gatherers when we are creators and nurturers. It was necessary in the past, but times have changed and now we need to employ more elegant, sophisticated methods to create the society and opportunities we want.
Some of the gifts that feminine energy brings are intuition, collaboration, gentleness and a more inclusive perspective. These are the strengths that we need to utilise to create a greater balance in our lives. Our Superman muscles are over-developed. We need to give up that costume and allow ourselves to rediscover our Wonder Woman. As we do so, I believe that it will give men the space to rediscover their masculine core. Clarke Kent will stop wimping about apologising for himself, will throw off that dreadful raincoat and reclaim his super hero persona - protecting and serving, not competing and posturing.
When men and women are playing to their strengths much greater synergy is created, so it's a win, win. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Harmony and co-operation, instead of defensiveness and conflict. Yes, there is a lot of work to be done before both sexes realise the benefits of realigning with their core essence but all change comes from realising what you've been doing isn't working and taking the first steps in a new direction. And it doesn't have to be done in broken heels...
Quantum Radio Interview with the Unstoppable Frankie Picasso
I'm being interviewed about Changing the Channel tomorrow, Tuesday 4th August by the Unstoppable Frankie Picass0. The show is live at 11.00 Eastern standard time but you will be able to download and listen to it later, if you miss it. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/QuantumRadio?loomia_ow=1
It's my first live interview and I'm excited and a bit nervous. There's not chance of saying, "Can we just do that bit again?" on live radio. Ghandi once said, "I am my message." I guess I'll just have to trust that what compelled me to write the book will be evident to the listeners and inspire them to look at life from a different, more hopeful, perspective.
I know it's going to be a lot of fun. I hope you'll be able to join me for the show.
With the Oneness experience, the clamour of the mind ceases.
I was privileged, last night, to spend time with Samadarshini, one of the teachers from the Oneness University. She is a beautiful soul and being with her made me realise just how caught up I had become with the mind's incessant clamour.
I had met with her because I wanted to introduce myself as the author of Changing the Channel, and share my vision for the book. I explained that my desire in writing the novel was that it would be a bridge between the mystical and every-day worlds, making an experience of spirituality easily accessible to regular people, using a medium that everyone can relate to: a story.
She had already got hold of a copy of the book and was reading it; I'm delighted to say she loves it. Samadarshini asked me how I came to have the idea for the book and I shared my experience with her and how everything has unfolded so far. As I spoke I was reminded of so many beautiful moments of serendipity: meeting the Book Midwife, Mindy Gibbins-Klein, who helped me birth the book; being taken on my my publisher, Ecademy Press; having five months off work so that I could write and edit the manuscript and meeting Jessica Maxwell, the author of Roll Around Heaven- an all true, accidental spiritual adventure - who is being so supportive in raising the profile of Changing the Channel in the USA. I could tell you about this type of "coincidence" all night and as I think of them, I am so filled with gratitude at the flow of divine grace in my life.
This reminiscence had made me realise that, lately, I had moved out of the flow of grace and had, through the best of intentions, become caught up in trying to make things unfold in the way and in the time scale that I thought they should occur. This was showing up in anxiety as I put my attention on what wasn't happening, rather than what had already come together. And as I have shared in my blog recently, where attention goes, energy flows. Being out of the flow of grace is uncomfortable and tiring. It's like trying to dance the jive to a waltz - not something you'd want to try.
Samadarshini reminded me that I am the instrument through which the divine creates music; the divine knows exactly which notes to play and in which sequence, to create the most beautiful melody. It was good to remember that I was not alone, that I didn't need to orchestrate everything, that I was not the conductor. It was ridiculous to imagine that I had been inspired with such a vision and then not been given the grace to see it fulfilled: the divine is no man's debtor.
I did not berate myself for this. We are so conditioned our old way of thinking that it is easy to slip back into these patterns when we find ourselves outside our comfort zone. The mind craves familiarity and reference points it understands; following your dreams often involves jumping off a cliff and trusting that you'll grow wings on the way down. Instead, I did as Samadarshini gently directed me. I stilled myself, allowed myself to feel my suffering, my physical discomfort, which was brought about by the anxiety I'd allowed to develop. As I put my attention on this sensation and allowed myself to experience it fully, it dissipated, leaving me, once more, with a sense of peace, connectedness and wholeness.
Each time we still ourselves, become present and quiet the mind, we become re-tuned to our divine essence and, again, experience the flow of grace. This is our natural state. We just need to spend a little time throughout each day reconnecting with this truth.
Remember the chaos theory
Remember the chaos theory: life is not a flat line. It is always oscillating, creating challenges and experiences that look and feel like chaos, to bring us to the next level. The more curious we get, the more we listen, the sooner we embrace what is, the sooner the next phase pops into existence. The great news is, we always pop at a higher level, to a bigger, brighter and more comforting perspective.
My friend, Marie-Josee Roussel wrote these wise words to a friend of ours a couple of weeks ago and has been kind enough to let me share them, here. I think it's wisdom we can all benefit from.
I'm firmly focused on my expectation that the challenges I'm going through at the moment will cause me to pop at a higher level. I write these blogs out of my own experiences: things that I have worked through or am currently working through; it helps me to clarify my own truth and focus my energies on my resources. I don't pretend that being in the pressure cooker is easy but I KNOW that the end result will give me a higher level of fulfilment in my life. After all, under pressure granite is turned into diamonds.
I'm committed to personal growth, so that I can thrive in every area of my life and share the new empowering distinctions I make with other people, that they might thrive, too. That means I'm prepared to have my deep-seated behavioural patterns go under the spotlight, so that I can see whether they serve me or not. Over the last few months I have been made very aware of disempowering behaviour around men. It was a shock, at first, because I hadn't been aware of how little value I had been putting on myself and then, with the realisation of the truth came, strangely enough, resistance to change. Even though my behaviour wasn't serving me, if was familiar and effortless. Sometimes we let our focus be on short-term pleasure, leading to long term pain, instead of short term pain that leads to long term pleasure. It's the old analogy of going back to the gym after a long absence; the first few sessions are going to be challenging, then they'll get easier and, if you persevere, they will become effortless. And then - if you wish to continue to raise your standard of fitness - you'll have to take on a new, more challenging programme. Back into the pressure cooker again.
No, I still don't like the pressure cooker but I'd rather be diamond than a lump of granite, so I'm prepared to stay here until the works done. Diamonds are, after all, a girl's best friend.
Hold onto your dreams, in all their fullness.
Hold onto your dreams, in all their fullness. Don't squash them to fit into your current life conditions: that's like crushing a butterfly's wings. Trust that with the desire comes the means to fulfil those dreams.
I remember a story I heard a while ago about a man who wanted a new raincoat for his birthday. He was poor and had no money for new clothes but he had a strong faith; he prayed and asked his God for a new rain coat for his birthday, which was coming up in a couple of weeks. A few days before his birthday a visitor knocked on his door.
"Friend," the caller said, "I noticed that your coat has become very thread-bare and I have a second rain coat that is still in very good condition. I would like to give it to you." And he held out his second best coat, eagerly. The man took the coat with a smile of gratitude at his friend's generosity. It wasn't quite the answer to his prayers that he had hoped for but, of course, God knew better than him.
The morning of his birthday dawned bright and clear, causing his heart to rise with joy and expectation. It was a Sunday and his family were coming to celebrate with him. He was looking forward to the opportunity of spending time with them: catching up with their news, playing with his nieces and nephews.
After a delicious lunch, prepared by his sister, the family gathered around him while he opened his presents: a book, a CD, a jumper and the inevitable pair of socks.
"Sorry the presents are so conventional," his sister smiled apologetically. "Mum mentioned that you needed a new rain coat and we were all going to club together and buy you one, but then we saw you had got yourself a second hand one, so we bought these bits and pieces instead."
It's challenging, sometimes, to hold onto our dreams. If it wasn't, we wouldn't experience any growth and wouldn't expand into our full potential. But don't settle for the second hand rain coat. Trust in the abundance of the universe to fulfil your dreams, just as you desire.
Abundant Life Creators interview
I have just had the great privilege of being interviewed by Deborah Battersby about Changing the Channel, for her Abundant life Creators coaching series. It was a lot of fun and wonderful opportunity to give my reasons for writing my book and share my goal to empower people to thrive - my vision for my coaching company, The Thriveologist.
The interview will be available in a few weeks and I will post the link, here. Looking forward to sharing it with you.
When you need something, give it.
Here is another post, written by my dear friend, Andy Green, While I'm away at the Barron University Summit. I look forward to sharing the beautiful moments I have experienced at the Summit over the next few days.
Have you ever noticed how stressful it is to focus on your own problems, like how much you have to do, how the traffic is so slow, how your boss gives you a hard time, how you never seem to have enough money?It is so easy to get sucked in to an endless cycle of worry, anxiety, frustration and fear, when you focus on what is wrong, what is lacking, what you are unhappy about. This self absorption is understandable, but so toxic. By its very nature it is selfish, because it turns our minds inwards, increasing our sense of separateness, of isolation, of being alone.
And the solution, or the cure, for this malaise? It is so simple. Just turn your attention and focus outwards, to the people and circumstances around you. I have found many times that no matter how worried, stressed out or unhappy I might be, the moment I turn my full attention to someone else, and ask myself the question "How can I help this person? What can I love about this person?" there is no room for the negative emotions, and they disappear in an instant. Do they return? Only if you remember they were there and return your focus to them. If not, it is as if they never existed. That moment is past, and the only moment that truly exists is this one now, a moment when you are giving what you truly need and yearn to receive - love, understanding, appreciation, connection. For it is impossible to give any of these gifts without receiving them back multiplied many times.
So the next time you feel that you need something, that you lack something, do something simple. Give what you need. It works.
Is life a competition?
I'm at the Barron University Summit this week in Sedona, Arizona. I am privileged to be one of the first students on the university's ground breaking PhD course in coaching psychoneurology. I'm sure I will have lots to share with you when I get back next week but for the moment, my dear friend, Andy Green, has allowed me to post his inspiring, thought provoking words while I'm away. Enjoy!
People talk about the game of life. But if life is a game what are the rules, and who is keeping score? How do you know if you've won?
What is life? Why are we here? Why have we, spinning through space on this ball of rock at unimaginable speed, been given this incredible gift perhaps uniquely in all the universe? Do we truly need to know why? Should we just shrug our shoulders and say "that's the way it is", spend our time working hard to pay the bills, get by, survive in a world that seems to be getting more competitive every day? Or should we stop for a moment, to marvel at the magnificence, the beauty, the utter perfection of a human soul, with its capacity for boundless, limitless love, generosity, selflessness?
So many people sleepwalk through their lives, too wrapped up in the mundane, too self-absorbed, too frightened to let go of control and just be. To experience a perfect moment, and glory in it. To feel love for a stranger, to do something not for yourself, or for acknowledgement, but just because it feels right.
Let us all take a little time each day to just be, to appreciate the world around us in all its wonder and beauty. And in that perfect moment, when we are not thinking about the past or the future, but are purely in the now, we can truly appreciate the magnificent gift of life we have been given. And in experiencing that perfect moment, that magic moment, we are no longer separate, no longer alone. Instead, we are reconnecting with the divine, with that universal energy and love that is around us, unseen but eternal. This is the sense of oneness, of belonging, of being connected with everything and everyone, that we truly crave at our core. The great irony of modern life is that in our constant striving to be unique, to stand out from the crowd, to be recognised as an individual, we are also moving farther away from the oneness that is so essential for the nurturing of our spiritual centre.
So embrace the world around you, through all of your senses. Stop, take a moment, and just be. Feel that all encompassing love; it is always there, always available, if you will but open up to it. Embrace it. Welcome it. Bask in it. You are special, you are unique, you are divine.
Anchor yourself to your success.
I'm committed to personal growth, both for my own fulfillment and because my purpose in life is to empower others to thrive. This means that I don't spend too many days sitting back on my laurels. It's been something of a challenging week, which, even in the midst of it gives me cause to celebrate (through gritted teeth, at times but I celebrate, never the less), as I know that I'm stepping out of my old patterns of social conditioning and embracing my life, fully: who I truly am, what I truly believe and what my life counts for. Making such a shift is not, initially a comfortable experience. Our old behaviour and beliefs, though often not fulfilling are at least familiar, which holds a degree of comfort for us. Realising we have been indulging in disempowering behaviour and deciding to make a change is in itself a powerful act and something to congratulate ourselves for BUT we must appreciate that the gap left by that old behaviour must be filled by something that moves us forward, or we will just slip back into our comfort zone or end up indulging in something just as unproductive- ask any smoker who has given up cigarettes only to gain 20lbs.
I have made this transition a few times over the last couple of years and though I don't find it quite as daunting as I used to, it's still a challenge. Thankfully, I have a bank of references that reassure me that i am able to move forward: I wrote my book, Changing the Channel, which once seemed an impossible dream, I have walked on fire, twice, and I have learned to treat myself as considerately as I do other people (which, frankly, was probably the biggest challenge of the three).
We all have events logged in our memory banks where we feel we did well, achieved something that made us proud, enhanced the life of another person. When we call up those memories, they are accompanied by the emotions we felt at the time: happiness, contentment, pride, elation. That event positively impacted other areas of our experience and made us feel alive. We can use those memories of success to create a blueprint that we can map across to our current challenges. Those memories make us feel strong, certain and invincible. Imagine being in that same powerful state in your current challenging situation. Imagine how great you will feel if you make the changes you desire instead of repeating those same old patterns, over and over again. When you are in that peak state, you need to create a physical anchor that will allow you to access that state when you need it. Decide what will work for you and make sure it's easy to repeat: squeeze your left hand or gently pull on your right earlobe. Do this two or three times while you are in this powerful state, so that the gesture becomes a trigger for those empowering memories, in the same way that Pavlov's dogs would begin to produce saliva, each time they heard his bell ring.
When you face a challenge and are feeling a little out of your depth, fire off the anchor you have created, bringing the memories of your success to your current experience. You will not only remember your resourcefulness but you will experience the same positive emotions in your body. Now that you have managed your state, you need to have a strategy for success. You already have a bank of references of the times where you achieved your goals. How did you go about that? Which part of that strategy can you use in this scenario? What books, CD's DVD's do you have access to that could help you? Which people do you know who have overcome a similar challenge that you could model? If you don't know anyone personally, there are some outstanding biographies that will inspire you.
Anchor yourself to the expectation of success. Human beings are incredible, resourceful beings. It takes effort to build these mental, emotional muscles, the same way that it takes time to build muscle in the gym, but it's worth it, to have the life you truly want, isn't it?
Treat yourself as though you were your own ardent lover
People treat us the way we treat ourselves, so if we want to be treated with love, respect and appreciation, we have to hold ourselves in a high esteem, first. I have a number of dear friends who are so generous with their love, time and resources but don't often step back and ask themselves what they want from a relationship or situation. They give, give give and people take, take, take without valuing the gift they are receiving. Why? Because the giver hasn't put any value on herself. She hasn't established boundaries and doesn't know when to stop giving.
Caroline Myss, the medic intuitive, reminds us that we shouldn't compromise who we are to accommodate others. When we do, we are saying, "Yes, you are right. My choices, beliefs and values are less important than yours." As soon as we do this we have given up our power and have made ourselves victims to the other person's will, aligning ourselves with their model of the world. It is as though we have put on a pair of shoes that don't fit; they pinch, they blister our feet and will, if we are foolish enough to continue to wear them, put us in a foul mood that will affect everything else we do. Obviously, we wouldn't do this to ourselves, so why would we try to diminish our own perfect, unique vibrancy?
We need to learn to fall in love with ourselves again, treating ourselves as though we are our own ardent lover. What would you do for the person who means more to you than anyone else on earth? What would you say? How considerate and generous would you be? We need to give this gift of unconditional love to ourselves first; then, when we have filled ourselves up, we will be able to give much more appropriately and from a place of far greater resourcefulness, because of the value we have put on ourselves.
Each morning we need to stand in front of the mirror and say to ourselves, 'I love you, I respect you, I appreciate you, I'm grateful to be you: the world is a better place because you are in it." This is the truth and as we begin to believe it, we will see that love and appreciation reflected in the people in our lives.
Felicity on Flickr...
Recent Posts
- We can do it in broken heels!
- Quantum Radio Interview with the Unstoppable Frankie Picasso
- With the Oneness experience, the clamour of the mind ceases.
- Remember the chaos theory
- Hold onto your dreams, in all their fullness.